Help your child develop resilience over the holidays

Resilience is all about adapting and responding positively to stress and adversity – in other words, about bouncing back after experiencing something difficult. Wouldn’t it feel great to be able to shrug off a setback, learn a lesson from it, and then move on to something else? Well, the good news is that resilience is not just something you’re born with: it’s a skill that everyone can develop. And, it does wonders for one’s physical and emotional health!

Here are a few things that your child can do over the holidays to build resilience and feel ready to take on new challenges when school starts again.

• BE ACTIVE: Get off the sofa and get moving! Physical activity is great for the body and the brain.

• TRY NEW THINGS: Expand your horizons and try something new, whether it’s a dance, singing, painting or snowboarding class, or even a visit to a music festival or museum exhibition. There is always lots going on in Montreal, so click on a few of the links below to see what might pique your interest.

• BE SOCIAL: Share some laughs or tears with a few friends, in person – not over the internet! It’s amazing how therapeutic it can be to hang around with friends.

• BE GRATEFUL: Take some time every day to think about what you’re thankful for: all things, big or small, that made you feel good about yourself or good about the world around you.

• DON’T SET THE BAR TOO HIGH: Don’t let other people’s idealized, sugar-coated social media feeds make you think that you or your life are inadequate in any way. Learn to be content with who you are and with what you’ve got.  You’ll feel much happier!

If you are looking for something fun and new to do in Montreal during the March Break, try one of these links to get you started:

Tourisme Montréal – Things to do

Quoi faire à Montréal

Montreal Blog : 40 Things You Gotta Do This March 2018 In Montreal

DEVELOPING A GROWTH MINDSET

“If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a life-long way to build and repair their own confidence”

Carol S. Dweck, Mindset: How You Can Fulfil Your Potential

For more information on the “Growth Mindset,” watch Stanford Professor Carol Dweck’s Ted Talk:

www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve

Talk to your child about how to use the internet responsibly

The internet is a powerful and necessary tool in today’s society, both for school and work. It puts a wealth of useful information at our fingertips, is a seemingly limitless source of entertainment, and has taken communication to a whole new level. However useful and fun it may be, the internet also has the potential to be very harmful. That’s why it’s important to talk to your child about how to use the internet safely, legally and ethically. Here are a few pointers, many of which were gleaned at the eye-opening presentation delivered to our Middle School students on February 16 by Dr. Alissa Sklar, who runs risk(within)reason, a consultancy project focused on teens, technology and risky behaviours.

USING THE INTERNET SAFELY

• People have a false sense of security when they use the internet. In fact, it’s relatively easy for an expert to access your information, images or whereabouts when you use the internet.
• Think carefully about what you want to put on the internet (email, social media, websites), whether it be photos or words: once something is on the internet, it can be shared around the world in a matter of minutes, and you can never get it back.
• Never share your address or personal details on a social media site or with a stranger.
• Consider disabling your device’s location settings, so nobody can track your whereabouts.

USING THE INTERNET LEGALLY

• It is illegal, and therefore punishable, to post remarks or images on the internet that promote hatred toward any section of the public distinguished by colour, race, religion, ethnic origin or sexual orientation.
• It is illegal, and therefore punishable, for a minor to have in his/her possession (i.e., on a computer, tablet or phone), or to share, any sexually-provocative or nude photos of another minor, without that other minor’s express consent.

USING THE INTERNET ETHICALLY

• While bullying or harassing someone may not be illegal, it certainly qualifies as unethical. Unfortunately, the anonymity provided by the internet often brings out our meanest tendencies.
• Something disrespectful or distasteful you post may come back to haunt you someday: people have been fired, denied jobs, and refused admission into universities because of stupid things they had posted on the internet as teenagers.
• Parents should also be aware that many teens watch online pornography, the vast majority of which promotes unhealthy – and sometimes violent – views of sexuality. Read Margaret Wente’s recent article in the Globe and Mail for more insights into this issue. Sex education should come from the home, and parents may wish to consider looking into how to set controls on their children’s devices, so they cannot access harmful websites.

In a nutshell:  we should all take a few seconds to think carefully before we post – or watch – something on the internet.

Introduce your child to the benefits of mindfulness

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

(Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., Internationally renowned scientist, writer, and meditation teacher)

Being an adolescent can be very stressful. Pressure from school, peers, and social media, coupled with trying to forge one’s own identity, can make some teens feel anxious and off-balance. With report cards right around the corner, your child may be feeling especially nervous.

Stress is a natural fact of life, but knowing how to manage our stress levels does not always come naturally! There are many ways in which a teenager can let out some stress, including exercise, music, and talking things over with a parent or friend. Mindfulness is another powerful tool that teens can use to manage their stress. Research indicates that when teens consistently practice mindfulness, it lowers rates of anxiety and depression, and leads to better sleep, stronger relationships, and increased self-awareness.

As the website Mindfulness for Teens aptly describes it: “Mindfulness is all about living fully in the present moment, without judgment, and with an attitude of kindness and curiosity. It’s about breathing, noticing what’s happening right here and now, sending a gentle smile to whatever you’re experiencing (whether it’s easy or difficult), and then letting it go. You can be mindful anytime, anywhere, no matter what you’re doing.”

Here are some helpful websites that can help you discover what mindfulness is and how you can introduce it to your child: Mindfulness for Teens, Left Brain Buddha, Anxiety BC. Also, your child may want to try one of these mindfulness apps: Breathr, Stop, Breathe, and Think, Calm.com.

 

 

Help your child develop a growth mindset

“If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a life-long way to build and repair their own confidence.”

(Carol S. Dweck, Mindset: How You Can Fulfil Your Potential)

With Term 2 ending today and reports coming soon, a positive attitude toward learning is more important than ever. To foster resilience and a love for learning in your child, be sure to:

• Focus on what your child is doing well and reserve judgment;

• Praise your child for her/his efforts, dedication and perseverance (not marks);

• Help your child understand that failure is not a dead end, but an opportunity to learn and grow;

• Help your child come up with strategies for tackling difficult challenges, based on strategies that helped them succeed at things in the past;

• Remind your child that each one of us has the power to improve our intellectual, physical, social and emotional skills.

The most interesting journeys in life are those with ups and downs along the way, and school is no exception: the path to success is all the more rewarding when it is filled with interesting challenges!

To help your child be more focused and less anxious at school, try helping her/him find ways to be calm and relaxed at home.

As Dr. Stuart Shanker explains in his book “Self-Reg,” spending time doing something calming can profoundly help people deal with stress. However, he emphasizes that it is important to understand the difference between calmness and quietness.

Quiet:  When a child is playing a video game, watching a movie or on social media, she may appear calm, because she may not be moving or making noise. However, her brain is being excited, and she is not in a state of self-awareness.

Calm:  When a child is calm, she is in an entirely different state. She is relaxed, aware of what is going in inside and around her, and she is enjoying herself and the state she is in.

To help child self-regulate and reduce stress, help her discover activities that help her feel calm. As Dr. Shanker points-out, “there is no one-size-fits-all answer to what a child will find calming.” So, have your child experiment: they may find their fit in reading, music, art, or physical activity.

 

To help build your child’s resilience, she/he needs to connect less with technology and connect more with her/his peers.

Studies have shown that teens who have robust social connections – with their family, friends, school and community – are better able to cope with adversity when it comes their way.

So, if you want to boost your child’s resilience, try cutting-down the time she/he spends on social media and increasing the time she/he spends socializing. Hanging-out with friends can help teens build their self-esteem and self-confidence and learn valuable cooperation and communication skills.

Here are two articles that shed light on this topic:

Psychology Today – Resilient Teens

The Economist – Teens and Screens

Set an example for your children: spend less time on digital media and looking at a screen … and try leaving your devices at home when you go on family outings!

In her book, “The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age,” clinical psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair explains, among other things, how:

• Excessive exposure to digital media interferes with a child’s development, including the development of empathy and other important social skills;
• Communicating via digital technology makes it harder for some teenagers to develop healthy identities and relationships.